Time to SHOUT!!!

A good day-I do get those and praise God for them!

Sometimes the aches are so bad you can barely move.

Wouldn't normally post a picture of this...but I think it is important for people to see some of the effects. Some days you look normal...perfectly healthy...but other days you can wake up with random swollen lips hives covering you from head to toe! Jennifer Garner has nothing on my lips! :) Also notice the butterfly rash across my cheeks-that is the symbol of Lupus...a butterfly.

Well today I am having a rough day...most people say you shouldn't write things when you are having a bad day but I beg to differ. It seems to give me some comfort when I write...and I always find there are others that can relate to brutal honesty. It is a way to get the feelings/emotions out of my head and be able to understand it. So I will be very vulnerable and write this in hopes that you that are in my life will read this with an open heart and even though I might sound harsh-I really just need to vent! I also pray that this will find someone else out there that might be dealing with a diagnosis or disease of Lupus. I have yet to actually speak to someone else with this...and am feeling a little alone-only so much doctor jargon and medical terms I can take before I scream "can I just hear from someone who has it"?

In the words of Beth Moore...sometimes you just need to have a "Holy Fit". We are allowed to ask God why...He knows when we hurt. He knows our inner most feelings and thoughts. So here we go...here are my thoughts...raw and honest. I am mad! I am going through the emotions...first scared then relieved to know what is causing all my symptoms...then scared again as every day is a new symptom and I wake up wondering what my day will be like-good or bad.

But for the most part now I am mad and I am mourning. I am mourning my get up and go person I used to be-now I am fortunate to be able to make it through the day without needing a nap. I am mourning the fact that I may have to hold off on my dreams of helping to develop an event ministry within the international office...as fast as I would have liked. I am sad that I may not be able to go to any of the conferences this summer and see what all we are doing out there in the world.

I feel old...oh and the wonderful side effects of the medication I am on have made me gain almost 10 pounds! So I have one pair of jeans that I bought in the States that were my "big" jeans...girls you can relate...and now they are about to be too tight! So yeah...feeling like a blob...not useful...and disappointed... is an understatement. (Wait-wouldn't someone love for me to feel this way about myself?-we'll touch back on this in a minute).

And although I am so thankful for prayers from everyone...opinions are another story. Everyone seems to know why I got this and how I can get rid of this. "If you just would take care of yourself more-eat better...exercise more". "If you wouldn't drink so many diet cokes-because of the appertain." "If you would just not stress so much.""You need to focus on getting yourself better." "If you....If you...If you...". I am sick to death of it. The last I checked there is no known cause for Lupus and there is no known cure. But yet I am feeling like there is a slight judgement call by some that I have done something to my body to cause this and that if I try really hard-I will get better. Here is a painful thing for me to say...but it is reality...I may NEVER get any better than what I am right now. Does this frustrate me-absolutely. Do I feel good about it-are you crazy? Am I a little cynical right now-yes...sorry about that...but warned you at the beginning (just need to vent). :)

Okay...whew...probably never heard that side of me come out...but I sure do feel better. In the words of my Pastor "are ya'll alright"??? :) Okay...now that I am calmed down-let me speak truth into my own situation. Sometimes it takes time for our feelings to catch up to God's truth. The truth is God loves me so much. He chose for me to go through this right now-away from everything and everyone that is familiar. He even gave me an amazing helpmate to get through this. Can I just say how thankful I am for him-J is such a blessing, so caring...so helpful...so right there with me in the thick and thin of it. I love you J!

The other truth? God has a good plan for our lives-a good plan! We have a hope and a future. Does it mean that it will be what we think it will be like...our lives in the future? Does it mean that there will never be pain-nope. But I am standing right now and shouting at the top of my lungs (envision crazy girl standing in her living room on the footstool)...saying "I WILL BELIEVE!!!!!!!"

Also another scream for "GET BEHIND ME SATAN-I AM GOOD ENOUGH AND GOD DOES WANT TO USE ME AND I AM BEAUTIFUL-HIS UNIQUE CREATION!!!!"

Can I get an amen? Now...you don't have to have Lupus to shout it out girls...you may have your own form of Lupus in your life. Maybe its insecurities...maybe you feel less than pretty. Maybe you wonder how and when God is going to use you...and find yourself asking lately "God have you forgot about me down here?" Maybe you are like me and just need a boost of truth shot into that arm. Well lets do it together-shout it out today...somewhere...whatever you want to shout out! It does make you feel good...even if my neighbors now think I am crazy! :)

Love you all and thank you for listening to my ramblings...oh and if you know of anyone with Lupus...please send them this...I sure would love to hear from them. :)

PS...cute video I found on Tangle...it was actually sent to me right after I wrote this...randomly. Wouldn't you just love to shout like this too!?!?!

http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=5a4115750ed4fb8dd231

A new Path...Taking it One Day at a Time...

This arrived in the mail today! We were able to purchase it from money my parents made from a yard sale of all my junk...guess my junk finally paid off!

Had some time on my hands not feeling well...so have started to draw again...a passion I have not had since college!

Me and my love at a cute country store we found on one of our Sunday afternoon drives. We got some homemade ice-cream too!

Went for a walk...we praise God for good days...and this was one of them!

Handsome and the rolling hills behind him.

Feeling all yucky makes a girl want to be pretty...so my honey bought me this new dress. Okay...it was only 6 pounds...what a steal...and I am loving feeling all springy!

We were blessed to travel to the Lake District...about 45 minutes from where we live...during a recent bank holiday.

We had the best tour guides in the world...The Burts...as they used to be caretakers of Hilltop...the house of Beatrix Potter (Peter Rabbit). This is in the area of the lake district as well.

Praising God for another "good" day. Here is Hilltop area...the house behind me is where she lived after she was married. You may have seen the movie Miss Potter...this is where it was filmed.

Lake District...high altitude so it was a bit chilly!

Loving seeing God's creation!

Hello sweet friends and family. I am just about to have a "holy fit" in the words of Beth Moore in regards to something I read this morning in Oswald Chambers. By the way...thank you Pastor Johnny for introducing me to this...I am now an Oswald junkie like so many others. :)

No matter how difficult something may be, I must say, "LORD, I am delighted to obey you in this." Its one thing to choose adversity, and quite another to enter into adversity through the orchestrating of our circumstances by God's sovereignty. And if God puts you into adversity, He is adequately sufficient to "Supply all your need".

-Philippians 4:19

-Oswald Chambers "The Habit of Enjoying Adversity"

How do I just come out and say this? Well...here it goes...thank you so much for all your prayers over us as J and I entered married life and then quickly moved to our new home here in England. We did everything "they" say not to do...got married...moved countries...and started a new job, all at one time. Shortly after our honeymoon I started to feel ill...exhausted, sore muscles...thought it was just from all the activities that were going on around me.

About a week after moving to England...I began to get worse...to the point I would have so many aches I couldn't get out of bed. Fatigue was an understatement...and then came the lovely hives...headaches...shortness of breath...random bruises that would show up on my body. Oddly enough I had something similar exactly 3 years ago. I was at that time sent to a allergist and tested for every known allergy in the world to find out that I was not allergic to anything. Then as fast as the symptoms came on...they went away...so the Dr's did no further testing and said it could have been stress related.

Fast forward to the present...my symptoms although very similar to three years ago...have gotten a lot worse. Thankfully I was able to get into the doctors who started to run some test. After many tests, seeing specialists, and the history with the same symptoms...I have been diagnosed with Lupus and am in what they call "a Flare".

What is Lupus?

Lupus is an autoimmune disease where your body not only attacks unhealthy tissue and germs that come into your body but also healthy tissues like skin, hair..and if it gets raging enough...your organs as well (heart, lungs, kidneys, brain). It's like the body is confused...great...I know I am confused enough without being told by a Doctor that my body is too! There is no known cause for Lupus however they do think that it has something to do with hormones as 90% of the patients diagnosed are women in their child bearing age. There is also no cure for Lupus...however it is a manageable disease.

The disease can lie dormant and then all of the sudden appear which is called "a flare". When the symptoms seem to subside...is when you are in "remission". Stress seems to be a factor...also viral infections that may come on...etc...which by the way I had all of this while in the States. Rest is the best course of action and being realistic of what you can do. Also diet and light exercise have shown to help in some patients as well.

J and I lovingly call it the "Lupee Dupee Disease" as I seem to be off with the fairies sometimes. J is such a God send...I ask that poor boy the same question 2 or 3 times...and he just sweetly answers me over and over again. God Bless him!!! He has been a great help...and after a day at work comes home and helps cook/clean.

How are we doing? We are blessed! It was hard to get the diagnosis at first but also a little comforting to know what we are dealing with and to be more educated. Basically we will have to change our lifestyles a bit and can't plan too much in the future (they call it the cruel disease as you could be feeling just fine one day and the next you are out of commission)...but have learned the importance of taking one day at a time!

Please hear our hearts...we do not ask for any pity...I've gotten my pity parties with streams and balloons out of the way already Lord willing. Although we appreciate your advice...please know we are seeing some wonderful doctors that are being very proactive. One doctor is meeting with me about once a week because...as he put it.."I just want you to know that someone is looking after you being that you are far from home".

God has been speaking so clearly through this and we really do have a sense of peace. We really believe that God will restore my health and will give us the desires of our heart. We also know that this is His sovereign will and that there is something precious to be learned through this time. So many stories that I could tell you of how God is providing all of our needs and showing us that He meant for this to happen now...and here. Quick story...J and I recently joined a Bible study group...and as everyone was introducing themselves...we found out they are all in the medical profession...doctors, nurses, etc. Also...one of the things that can stimulate a flare is exposure to a lot of sunlight...well guess what...England doesn't have a lot of that! :) Never thought I would be happy to have little sun!

We simply ask that you PRAY over us. Please pray that we will get to a specialist for this disease soon. We currently are in line for the next available appointment which is 4 weeks from now.

Also that we would be a great witness for our Lord during all these times of being seen by the medical professionals. The medical people in our Bible study group were telling us of the persecutions of the Christians in their work...some have even been asked to not where any jewelry such as a cross to work...so not to offend the high muslim population in the area.

Pray also that I will heal soon and go into remission. We are praying that I will be good to go out with the team on our summer conference schedule (7 weeks throughout Europe starting the end of June). J and I would hate to miss out on being part of that...and would not want to be separated either...should I have to stay at home.

Pray for a lifestyle change and that we stick to it. It has been noted by a lot of Lupus patients respond well to a healthy diet and moderate exercise helps. So goodbye Burger King...hello vegetables. We are cutting out as much preservatives as possible and going the more natural and organic route. I also really feel that it would be good to get down to a healthy weight as it is mostly my joints that are affected. So the Wii fit will come in handy.

Also please pray for us to start a family soon! Yes...we would love that desire to be granted if it pleases the Lord. We have been told that I would be considered high risk...as with Lupus the body could attack the fetus as well as send me into another flare. But we had such a positive meeting with one of the doctors that said he sees healthy babies born all the time with Lupus patients and will get me with an Obstetrician soon to start planning for that time...Lord willing. For the time being we have to wait until I am out of this flare...and usually about 6 months after that to get all the medicine out of your body. So we will see.

This will be a long road...but we are packed up and ready to go where the Father leads us. I am sure there will be so much more that we will learn...that this is only the beginning of sweet times with Him. But one thing we do know...this is His sovereign will for our lives at the moment and we are trusting Him to guide us through it...one day at a time!!!

I will try to do more frequent updates...and let you know how God is answering your prayers. We love you all so deeply and thank God for you!

Love

MOJO